Source Material - Why Great Men Fall, Wayde Goodall
False Intimacy, Schaumberg
For the next several weeks, the Lord has impressed me to talk with you about Monsters that Threaten
your effectiveness, your peace, and your safety as a follower of Christ. I started this series a couple of weeks ago by talking about Fear. I’ll also talk about Greed, Hatred, Self-Centeredness, among other subject.
Today’s message is one I would honestly prefer not to bring! What I say will be uncomfortable for us all, will increase my counseling load, and disturb so-called ‘sleeping dogs’ in some of our lives. Never-the-less, I believe that the Spirit desires that I speak with you today about:
Lust - the temptation of the ages
PRAYER
Our local newspaper carries stories of sexual misconduct almost everyday. Did you see that horrific story out of Placerville, CA about Jaycee Lee Dugard, now a 29 year old woman? She just was 11 when she was abducted from a South Lake Tahoe street in 1991, was kept behind a series of fences, sheds and tents, even giving birth to her suspected abductor's children in the suburban backyard compound less than 200 miles from her childhood home. The man, who has a record of sex crimes, kept her for his pleasure for all those years! What a twisted, awful story of lust!
We read about school officials caught with child pornography in their computers, coaches that seduce students, pastors that get involved with members of their flock, and politicians that get caught with a young member of their staff.
If you think this is a new trend of human behavior, let me quickly remind you of Biblical characters:
David and Bathsheba, Sampson and Delilah, Lot and his daughters, Amnon and Tamar .
All of these real people became victims of their own lust!
Much closer to our time, we have only to remember the folly of Bill Clinton that nearly wrecked his Presidency, the behavior of Magic Johnson who boasted of sexual adventures in every city when he played in the NBA and then revealed he had contracted AIDS, the revelations of hundreds of priests who were sexually involved with children, and those news stories I referenced a moment ago!
If you think that lust is a problem that is just ‘out there’ let me tell you that in my own ministry the one subject that frequently appears is the issue of sexual temptation! Men and women, young and old, timidly initiate the subject with the desperate question: “Pastor, am I normal? Do others experience a struggle that is so intense?” Sometimes they are already mired in pornography or an affair. More often they are fighting a desperate battle with temptation that they feel is about to overwhelm them!
If you think this problem is becoming more widespread in our time, I would agree that the plague of lust has found a powerful ally in its war on our spiritual, relational, and emotional health, a way to gain control over many who might have otherwise not found it such a formidable foe. The ally? The Internet!
Cyber-sex is big business. Everyone of us who uses a computer knows how easily it accessed, how much of it is out there. With one click on the screen, we can step into a virtual world that offers us explicitly sexual material that most from previous generations could not access without considerable effort. Pornography used to be an almost exclusively male issue, but now women are being drawn and are a significant percentage of participants in cyber-sex activities.
Dr. Wayde Goodall, to whom I am indebted for much of my material today, explains the power of lust this way.
“There is a biochemical craving kicks in at times of stress, loss, or separation. There is a high from the (sexual) encounter that can be almost addictive. Many...who have become involved in adultery are overtired, stressed out, and/or have feelings of emptiness.” - Why Great Men Fall
Cyber-sex is a particularly acute problem for Christians because of what Goodall calls -
the three A’s of Cyber-sex addiction.
Anonymity- there is the myth that when a person is ‘online’ he is anonymous, that nobody knows what sites they accessed, what they viewed or downloaded. This is not true!
Accessibility- from our home, the library, or the office, you’re just a click away from ‘whatever....’
Affordability- online sex is cheap, in more ways that one! Content providers know if they can just get us to enter a credit card one for that $3.95 one-day pass, they have a real chance at getting us hooked with an addiction that is akin to crack cocaine in its lure.
The workplace has become a sensual zone for many today as well. We work longer hours than ever before, often in the company of members of the opposite sex. We are simply naive to think that there is not a certain chemistry that can, and often does, develop when given the right ingredients and the opportunity.
Dr. Shirley Glass, a licensed family psychologist from Baltimore, MD, is an expert on issues surrounding marital infidelity. She has written a book on the subject of infidelity at work called, Not Just Friends.
She points out that 62 percent of men and 46 percent of women who are unfaithful meet their illicit partner at work. She also reminds us that most of those were no sexual thrill seekers. They are good family people, often who have good marriages. Before they realize what is happening, these people form deep friendships that cross the line into romantic love. The result is all too often a destructive affair!
Glass offers several questions that help us to know when we are not just friends any longer!
1. Do I confide more in my friend than I do to my spouse?
2. Do I discuss negative feelings about or intimate details of my marriage with my friend?
3. Am I open with my spouse about the extent of my involvement with my friend?
4. Would I be comfortable if my spouse listened to my conversations with my friend?
5. Would I want my spouse to watch a video of meetings with my friend?
6. Am I aware of sexual tension in the friendship?
7. Do I touch my friend differently when we are alone than when we are in front of others?
8. Am I ‘in love’ with my friend?
You might wonder why I am speaking so specifically about this problem of lust and the danger zones that help it to creep up on us. Here’s why....
Because too many of us escape into rationalization, excusing ourselves from dealing with the issue because we convince ourselves that ‘we really don’t have a problem!’
I am being plainspoken because I want you to be confronted with an unpleasant, ugly part of the world in which we live that is destroying too many Christians!
If you think
that your marriage is too good for you to be lured into sexual sin,
that you are too strong or self-disciplined to be effected by lust,
that you’re too smart to be deceived by Satan’s lie,
that you’re somehow above temptation because of spiritual maturity or gifts–
let me point you to the sobering superior wisdom of the Holy Scripture.
In a passage that references the people of God during their journey from Egypt to the Promised Land, Paul notes that they were called, fed, and led by God. Then he writes, "Yet God was not pleased with most of them, and their bodies were scattered in the wilderness. These things happened as a warning to us, so that we would not crave evil things as they did." (1 Corinthians 10:5-6, NLT)
TEXT - 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 PB
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (NIV)
This is an ongoing issue that we all will continue to deal with. The high volume of sexual temptation is not going to be reduced anytime soon! Televison, with its programming that glorifies casual sex is here to stay. The Internet is part of our lives and will only become more important to the way we live in years ahead. The gym with its worship of the human form is here to stay. Flirty people who measure their worth by their sex appeal are not going anywhere.
So, what can we do?
Our text points out the first answer.
“When you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
The person who must change is the only one you have the power to change - you! The only one who can avoid a ruinous affair, an addiction to Internet porn, or becoming pre-occupied with lust is YOU. Thankfully, we are not alone in the struggle. The Holy Spirit is our strong ally, the One who leads us to holiness, but God does require responsibility and choice from each of us.
Let’s take a look at a story about a man who was severely tempted, whose choices are helpful in instructing us.
TEXT - Genesis 39:6-12 PB 64
Joseph had every excuse in the world to become a victim. His brothers sold him into slavery when he was a teenager because they were jealous. He lost his mother when she was in childbirth with his little brother, Benjamin, when he himself was just a little boy. He was a stranger in a strange land, stressed and alone. Let’s read a part of his story.
Genesis 39:6-12
So, what choices did Joseph make that helped him to be an overcomer rather than victim?
1. He said, “No.”
We are a self-indulgent culture often convinced that we have little control over our actions. We over consume, let habits govern us, and become addicted because we fail to understand the power of a simple, clear, unwavering “No!” “But it’s so hard,” we object. Of course it is. Self-discipline is difficult, but it becomes easier when made a life habit in all areas.
Joseph didn’t need to take a break and think about whether to sleep with Potiphar’s wife. He didn’t have to calculate the risk-benefit. He knew it was wrong and he had already said, “No,” before the offer was made!
This wasn’t a one-time deal for Joseph. This pretty woman flirted with him for a while. What if Joseph had allowed himself to daydream about her, if he had given his fantasies free rein? The story might well have read differently. But, he said, “No.”
2. He put Potiphar’s interests before his own pleasure!
A man or woman who really loves their spouse, their kids, their Lord - will think about how their behavior will hurt others. As they keep those loves in a conscious place in their daily lives, they build a powerful defense when temptation presents itself. It is an extremely selfish person that says, “My happiness is more important that my family, my reputation, or God’s honor.”
3. He was principled.
Principled people are much mocked by many today. Don’t expect people to admire your principles. Most likely they will call you, ‘rigid’ or even other Christians will label you, “religious,” or “legalistic.” Joseph’s life reveals a commitment to principle. He thought through who he was, who God was, what was required of him, and he committed himself to a way of life before the opportunities to sin ever came his way.
Are you principled, friend?
Have you made certain choices based on your commitment to God, your understanding of His Word, or even your awareness of your personal weaknesses? Are you willing to stick with them even when pressured to bend?
4. He knew how to run!
Every disciple of Jesus Christ needs to know when to flee and when to follow! Early in my life, I memorized a passage from Paul’s letter to his spiritual son, Timothy where I read:
"Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22, KJV)
There’s a time to stand and fight, but there is a time when running is prudent! Joseph didn’t stand around to explain his choice to Potiphar’s wife. In the critical moment, the Bible says, "She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house." (Genesis 39:12, NLT)
Let’s review before we move on to close this message:
He knew how to say, “no!”
He was not selfish, but considered others.
He was principled, having made a choice prior to temptation’s arrival.
He knew when to run!
Lust almost always emerges from a place of need. It is a way to fill, temporarily, a very real physical, emotional, or spiritual longing! One of the best ways to defeat an enemy is to understand how it will attack!
Why do you think that men are so susceptible to infidelity when they are in their early 20's and then again between 45 and 55?
Young men have a powerful amount of testosterone in their body. God designed them to bond to a woman and to create a family. The physical desire of youth is phenomenal. I believe that the Church needs to be honest about that and stop giving our youth mixed messages. On one hand, we tell them to delay marriage in order to get an education, build wealth, etc. and then we tell them to avoid being promiscuous or immoral. It’s a nearly impossible set-up. I’m not advocating teen-age marriages! But, I am an advocate for early marriage in young adulthood. Two people who are 20 or 21 can grow together, and with proper support from parents and the Christian church, can establish a family and preserve themselves from lust!
Men who reach mid-life are often facing a new kind of challenge - dealing with their mortality, realizing that some of their youthful dreams are not going to be fulfilled, and facing up to the fact that their virility isn’t what it once was. It is a time of great emotional need and the possibility for immoral behavior increases greatly. More than anything other than Jesus, men in mid-life need good friends, which most lack. They need other men who understand who they are, with whom they can be open without seeming to be needy or weak. They need to make the shift from being strong to being wise, which the Bible says is the strength of those who are older!
So, understand your enemy and yourself! Be self-aware. Pay attention to what’s going on in your emotions, your stress levels, your patterns that lead you to places of sin.
The most important choice to avoid sexual sin that you and I make as Christians was not available to Joseph. We can and we must cultivate intimacy with God, becoming spiritually mature!
I am not sure why, but most Christians fail to appreciate the process of spiritual life and development. They know that it requires years of study to become intellectually mature. They know that it takes years of practice to become proficient at a skill, be it in sports, music, or work. But, when it comes to be a solid, stable, and holy person, they somehow assume it happens without effort, almost magically! What nonsense!
Meditation on Scripture that allows the wisdom of the Word to become part of our mind requires developed skill.
The Bible won’t mean much to you at all the first time you open it. For me, after spending 35 years immersed in it, the Bible is a rich treasure of wisdom.
Prayer that is deep and sustaining, that empowers us to deal with the world and the temptation that will come our way, doesn’t just happen.
A person learns to focus his mind on Christ, learns to see the unseen, hear the voice of the Spirit with mentoring, by watching others, by practicing even when it feels like they are just alone in their room!
Walking in the Spirit, that is, knowing and loving God intimately, is a way of life that we grow into with much support and mentoring!
This is the most powerful deterrent to a life full of lust. A heart full of the Holy Spirit has no room for the filth of the world.
I invite you to turn to this final Scripture, which I will read to close today. As we read, take note of the responsibility of choice that is matched by the empowering of the Spirit.
It is from my favorite book -
TEXT - Ephesians 5:1-3a, 8-11, 15-16, 18; 6:10-12
Amen
Jerry D. Scott, 2009